I have been trying to write a blog for almost 3 days now. However I cant find the words. Nothing I write seems to make sense. I will finish it eventually but for now I must let the pictures tell the tale.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. If that is true I have a book.
This is how I am feeling right now. I’m so emotionally confused and drained; all sense of reality, time, and worldly needs is gone. I feel as if I am on a distant world, and seeing my life in the third person. I think I am seeing my life from a godly perspective and starting to be able to differentiate spiritual importance from worldly importance in a way I have never seen before.
What has thrown me into the chaos? Persecution. I spent hours looking for a picture that truly represented my oppression. However I couldn’t find one.
At the heart of my persecution, there is a restriction of freedom of religion. Saturday night it was the image of 3 persons standing on the sidewalk, protesting against my right to freedom of religion. Snow was falling all around as the yellow tinted glow of the headlights cast light onto the three persons, holding protest signs, only to reveal their identity’s. There were my parents, and a young girl, unable to identify.
This image will surly be burned into my memory for all of time. Since that night I haven’t been able to eat, drink, brush my teeth, or even piss without seeing those three people on the road.
Pray for my family, that they would know the love of Christ, as I do. The path to this outcome is neither quick nor easy. However no force is on earth a match for the love from Jesus Christ. The lord will shine light onto my family’s life. If I am able to seek strength and protection with Jesus, my dealings with my family will yield victory.
Please pray for my family as I do. Pray that Jesus softens my families’ hearts, and allows the Holy Spirit to enter. Pray in any godly manner. Finally pray in thankfulness that Jesus loves his children, and offers everyone salvation through grace.
It is through persecution we grow in Jesus Christ. It is through persecution we are able to spread The Good News. Paul is an inspiration to me at this time. I have not encountered a fraction of the persecution Paul was able to overcome, and he was able to keep joyful. It is a result of Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice we are able to have joy in this world…
I must wait and allow The Holy Spirit to work through me when he is ready. I cannot restore this relationship with my family without the Lord’s help. My family is confused, and the Lord’s love must enter into my families’ hearts.
Thomas Smith
This is cool Tom, that you are able to keep strong. I dont know if I would be able to, especially with all the false accusations!
and pray is spelled with an “a”. Pray!
I am convinced it is a testimony to the light within you that darkness would be so eager to snuff it out.
But what darkness can overcome even the slightest of candle flickers?
And you, my friend, are a pyre.
Tom, I’m so sorry you have to go through this, but at the same time it’s a blessing because you will experience unimaginable growth from this situation. I think you are having this almost out-of-body experience not only because the events are so surreal, but also because you are a citizen of heaven. And you are living that identity as you see things from God’s perspective.
You may be greatly encouraged by reading a book like “Through the Gates of Splendor” or “Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret” or “The Hiding Place” or any other missionary’s biography, where you can learn from their response to persecution and experience with other believers the “fellowship of Christ’s sufferings.”
I can relate to what you are feeling. I have felt that way before, almost like you are standing outside of yourself watching everything happen. It’s almost like a shock to your system. God is and will walk with you through this. Sometimes it may seem like he is carrying you through it. The non-believing world simply cannot understand the “hold” that Christ has on us – they think it’s cultish. They don’t and can’t understand the supernatural personal experience with Christ that you are living with on a daily basis. It’s foolishness, craziness to them. You are right in continuing to love and pray for your parents and not retaliating in anger. It was in times like these that I had to continually remind myself that love is a choice, not a feeling. I had to “choose” to love my parents over and over during and even after they stopped persecuting me. Hang in there brotha!
I will be praying for you, Tom!
hold fast friend
Why are there so many pictures of girls? Aren’t you a male?
oh tom…all i have to say is i love u brother and dont forget to open up and talk about what you are going through with your brothers (especially your roommies).
You have been brainwashed by a cult, Tom, and they have Satanized your family and perverted your memories in order to get a hold on you. Listen to your parents because they are telling you accurate things.
The bogus love from your cult family is conditional. It depends upon your obedience to the leaders and whether or not you can bring new members and money into Xenos.
The love of your real family is unconditional.
Start to notice how Xenos bosses you around, particularly when it comes to members of the opposite sex, and you will see what I mean.
You are at the age when it is normal for you to rebel against your parents. Xenos has jumped on this natural impulse and enlarged it to the extent that they have painted your parents as sinners and demons.
Xenos will shun you if you cross them. But your family will still love you when you have come to your senses.
And by the way, when you “open up and talk to your brothers (especially your roomies) about what is bothering you”, they will report everything you say to the prayer group, and it will all be used against you, to manipulate you even more.
Well that’s not a very nice comment. Is there any way in which we’ve wronged you? If so, please tell us. We’re always willing to correct anything wrong we’ve done to hurt anyone.
Tom and the rest of us only want to share the free gift of salvation which Jesus Christ gave to us. “It was for freedom that Christ set you free,” the Bible says, and these students are just having a blast with the freedom of Jesus Christ. Not everybody loves Jesus Christ or what he stands for, but that doesn’t mean we should be persecuted simply because we do follow the teachings of Jesus.
At Xenos we are well-known and endorsed by national and world-famous Christian leaders like Larry Crabb, Bill Hybels at Willow Creek, D.A. Carson, Rick Warren, Mark Drischol, and recently Ray Stedman’s ministry (read Dialog with Elaine, Ray Stedman’s Widow). We’re also heavily-involved with The Chapel’s fellowship of churches. These are all wise Christian leaders, and they love our ministry. You can read the long, long list of them here.
Nobody has ever been coerced or forced or brainwashed by these high school kids. It is terribly unfair to make up stories like those in your comment and hurt this group of young kids who’ve never harmed anyone. There are so many kids blogging here who are just thrilled with their faith in Jesus Christ. This is why Tom and his friends are very popular.
Tom’s friends are all excellent students, and Tom is a NASA employee. They aren’t cult dropouts from society. They’re kind, and they help the poor at the Salvation Army, at South Street ministries, and at a Catholic shelter for battered women in Akron.
I think it’s shameful to make up stories about Tom and his friends when they’re so helpful to so many people. Not many people this age care as much about helping others — but that’s what happens whenever people meet Jesus Christ. I see the same kindness at Riverwood Chapel among their students.
Tom has a constitutional right to his freedom of religion, and he should be respected for making his own free-will choice, even if you don’t like it. But he shouldn’t be persecuted for his faith in Jesus Christ.
Hey Tom,
When I would go through the bumps and bruises of the Christian life – this passage brought me much comfort. I always turn to the Lord and what His word says:
Proverbs 3 is amazing!
1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. 3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. ….. 11 My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, 12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. … 21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; 22 they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. 23 Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble; 24 when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. 25 Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, 26 for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared. 27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. 28 Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow” – when you now have it with you. 29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you. 30 Do not accuse a man for no reason— when he has done you no harm. 31 Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways, 32 for the LORD detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence. 33 The LORD’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous. 34 He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble. 35 The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.
I meditate upon these words and the Lord has never failed me – even in my darkest hours – he is always faithful. My thoughts are with you and your family – I pray that God is glorified through this trial and that all may benefit from your faith.
yeah dude, we need to pray for your mom too! She doesn’t really understand what we are about and I wish she would at least check us out but with her free choice she is able to choose not to, which is ok. but we need to just show her love. You are being a great example!
It is amazing she’s never bothered to come & check us out.
Tom, I wanted you to know that my parents & extended family were also very concerned about me being in a cult & accused me of it when I was first coming around (but they never “picketed”!:)). I probably didn’t have a great come-off about what I had found–I was young & just so excited about God & His grace! Their rejection & lack of understanding were super painful.
Now that some time has gone by, my mom holds our fellowship up as an example of a loving community to her friends & brags about us! Who would ever have thunk it! I sincerely hope & pray this for your family & your future as well. ‘Love you, Tom.
Not sure who Devil Mom II is , but it sounds like there is some bitterness and unresolved issues going on in this persons heart. I find it interesting that this person is saying that Xenos just wants peoples money. How many years have we operated on a volunteer basis and this fellowship continued to grow and people were coming into a relationship with Christ. Which is the new members she referred to. These are new members to Christ’s kingdom not ours.
Keith and Greg have worked full time jobs and have also given many hours to teach and minister to this Body of Christ. For that I am so thankful! They have made great sacrifices to do this work and I know they do it because they love the Lord and believe in His message of grace.
It has only been a couple of years that we actually made the choice to follow the biblical example of paying someone to teach in this fellowship. (Elders who do their work well should be respected and paid well, especially those who work hard at both preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, “You must not muzzle an ox to keep it from eating as it treads out the grain.” And in another place, “Those who work deserve thier pay!” I Timothy 5:17-18) I believe this is what God called us to do as a Body of Christ and we are blessed to have someone like Keith working for the the Lord in our fellowship.
Anyway, Tom, you keep looking to God and He will show you the truth in his word.
Love you bro. Not conditional! We’ll talk back-channel.
Hey everyone please keep the comments related to my blog.
I must say thanks for all the comments its really nice seeing people giving me some feedback, and that i have been able to make you think!!!
hey tom! that is a crazy good blog! im afraid i might have to pass on the ridiculously good blog torch to you… now you must choose the next worthy blog-goer you read…
thats right, elli just started something
knrrsiwb…
knrrsiwb…
i love that you used pictures to show what u are feeling tom…since im a pictorial thinker…i can really get what ur feeling…we have all been there at one time or another and some of us will eventually feel this way…i praise God for the faith that u have to keep on keeping on….as for any negative comments…they are only words tom…what you have in this body of christ is real unconditonal love….i love ya brother
Tom hang in there. God will sustain you and carry you through. Your Mom is on a quest but she does not realize that there are many more who believe the exact same way as (MOST non- denomiational.churches) Xenos. The only thing different is they are focusing on the youth as we all should Our youth is under attack. I hate to say it but the Catholic church is dead. Same kind of church I grew up in. I got baptize too, as a baby but where is that in the Bible?? No where. The Bible says to get baptize after you come to know Jesus. People just read you Bible for a change. Hate to be so upset guess I should pray for them , huh?? I do believe God has a huge purpose and plan for you Tom. God bless you.