I stayed up last night because I wasn’t tired.

I watched the sun rise over the trees and illuminate everything.

I had lunch with Kyle, who is a sweet brother.

I visited Keith, B, and Dar; which made me smile.

I drove home, and made dinner.

I talked on the phone for 31 minutes and 41 seconds.

I “studied.” <– LOL!

I’m leaving in 14 minutes with my brother Mike to get Ice Cream.

[Update] Mike called and told me to wait for him, he was going to be late. It really excited my heart.

Free will really is amazing. I choose to have a relationship with Jesus with my free will.

Some people choose to destroy relationships with greed and affairs but I’m into restoring relationships; or at least trying.

I’m into 5 minute conversations, just to see how your doing. Most people are into 5 texts.

People really try to plan out their lives, however I don’t know whats going to happen in mine.

I make a lot of bad choices and the great thing about it is that I have Free will. However having a relationship with Jesus is helping me make smarter choices.

Choose a life with Jesus. It’s just that simple.

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So assuming you have read my first blog I can now start this one. Believe it or not I took quite a bit of flack on first blog from people because I portrayed love to be so simple. So in this one I will attempt to capture and dispel the common misconception that love hurts.

We have all said it before “Love hurts.” However when you think about this why would god hurt us. Remember god is love so it really doesn’t make sense that love hurts. I would like to make the proposal that love doesn’t hurt, rather it’s that hate hurts.

Love and hate is something I am very well educated in. I have been a hater before, and I have been shown a multitude of love. Just this week I had the opportunity to be a hater and a lover. I would like to share this experience with you.

I was as the store and Kyle called me to tell me to get some toilet paper because we were all out, and we were having people over later that night. Well I erupted in a huge infantile fit and was so disgusted that Kyle would call and ask me for such a request. I look back on the situation and cant help laughing at myself. I was practically foaming at the mouth with disgust and slinging insult after defiant insult at Kyle and anyone else within range. Now I’m sure Kyle didn’t feel loved by this at all. I’m sure it probably mad him rather sad and upset.

Well after about ten minutes of spewing hatred, I came to my senses and realized I was being a complete ass.  So I called Kyle back and had to apologize for exploding and told him I would fulfill his colossal request (hehe). Well I would like to think this made Kyle feel really good, and dare I say loved. Everyone knows how good it feels to be apologized to and be asked for forgiveness.

Now I think its safe to say that my love didn’t hurt Kyle. It was actually my infantile hate that hurt Kyle. Now one might say that it was because Kyle loved me and opened up his heart to me was the reason he felt hurt. Well this is false. I mean its true that Kyle felt hurt but this would be true for anyone. If someone I really hated and detested came up to me and started insulting me any saying bad things to me I would still feel hurt. It’s not really loves fault in anyone this. Rather it can simply be said that love feels good, and hate and being mean hurts.

This example does raise another question however. I did indeed hurt Kyle, so should he still love me. I think I know Kyle well enough to know that he is still going to love me but let me explain why in another example.

Most of the people reading his already know about the unfortunate “Alienation” between my family and I.  Well During the time after my parents kicking me out and until now, I have been trying to call home at least once a week, except for a few brief periods when I was advised not to. Well every time I called home I was a combination of scared and excited but mostly just sad about what had happen. Well for about 6-8 months I was rejected. No one ever picked up the phone to talk to me, and hatred just came lashing back to me in all directions.

Well this eventually changed. I still remember the first time my dad did answer the phone to talk to me.  The four of us apartment guys were at Acme and right before we went in the store we prayed together and my dad actually answered. We only talked for a few moments but that overwhelming joy and love I felt from my dad made me forget all the other pain and sadness. And as you know from my first blog our relationship is being repaired through the power of love, not hate.

I can gladly say this is true even the case for my mom. My mom has begun responding to my love, not through talking to me but through a way she is more comfortable with. Over the past couple of months my mom has been baking pies for me. She has even been buying me cloths. Which is really awesome because when you live with five other guys your socks tend to disappear (hehe).  I do yearn for the day that my relationship with my family is restored.

Again I don’t claim to be a love master and I still fumble around with the concept of love.  However I think it was my consistent loving outreach to my family that is the reason for their change of heart. Obviously if I was saying mean things to them hating them I doubt that my dad would have initiated talking to me and my mom certainly wouldn’t be buying me cloths.

I can whole-heartedly say that the months and months of pain and rejection cause by hate are not match for the loving outcome I have now. Real love makes dealing with pain, rejection, and hatred worth it. I am only 19 and I know I am in-store for a life in which I must deal with much deeper hate but I am excited because the love that might overcome that hate will be so much sweeter.

I promise the lord love is sweet enough to overcome all hate, just give it a try.

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A lot of people question why I want to dedicate my life to the lord. Love has always been something I try to stay away from because I don’t understand it, however I think this is changing. I am in no way saying that I understand love, I think it is too complex and supernatural for anyone to fully understand, however I am feeling it much more now.

About a week ago I actually got to see my dad and when I left i couldn’t stop smiling. It went on all day. There was such an overflowing feeling of joy and love in my heart for my dad that i actually started to cry on my way home. I had to pull my car over just to calm myself down. It was Great. I  find this happening more and more often.

I keep thinking back to the beginning, the beginning of everything, and love has always been behind it. God created me, you, my parents, Lucifer, Hitler, President Obama, because he loves these people and wants a relationship with them.

I walk around campus and I see so many people that have been deprived of a relationship with Jesus and I just want to tell everyone. It hit me more this year that ever before. I really just want to stand up and scream it from the rooftops about how amazing the lord’s love is and how great it feels to have a relationship with him.

“God is love and if you’re not into god you must not be into love.”

It’s so easy for us to not want to love, when we are battered by the world and rejected all the time. We live in an unforgiving disgusting system dedicated to pain and torture. We live in a system that causes college students to do nothing but study and then numb the pain with binge drinking. We live in a system that dangle every temptation possible in front of our eyes in an attempt to commit ourselves to slavery to our own lust.

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1 NASB

“ Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.” Galatians 5:1 The Message

Christ offers freedom through love. I think what I’m trying to say is everyone likes the feeling of love, and love is what the bible is all about so why not give it a try.

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Think of all the things that make you feel Joyful. A few things that can make people feel joyful is money, drinking, drugs, sex, work, deceiving, getting a new computer etc. The problem is these feelings of joy are very short lived and ultimately end up becoming more of a burden they continuous joy. What if I were to day getting publically flogged and beaten could be a source to long lasting joy? Observe Paul and Silas’s source of long lasting Joy:

22The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. 23After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. 24Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks.
25About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them.
Acts 16:22-25 NIV

I think this clearly shows the paradox of joy. Paul and Silas were spreading the word of god one moment, and they were getting beaten for the sake of Christ. While sitting in jail after being publically beaten, Paul and Silas are praying and singing hymns to the almighty lord.

Paul and Silas were on a revolutionary campaign to spread the word of god. Next the two of them were beaten yet they continued to praise the lord’s name for allowing them to spread his word. By the worlds standards this makes no sense. Imagine you are the CEO of the company Microsoft and you have been told to do and spread the word about a new product. On your way to the next city, your car gets stolen and you get severely beaten before thrown into jail. I know I would not be praising my bosses name for sending me on this journey. So why were Paul and Silas so happy to be beaten for the sake of Christ? Continue Reading:

26Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody’s chains came loose. 27The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. 28But Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!” 29The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

31They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” 32Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. 33At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his family were baptized. 34The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole family. Acts 14:29-34

This Jailer had seen the Joy and love Paul and Silas had even after being beaten and was amazed. The jailer was amazed so much that he and his family entered into a relationship with Jesus. Still, why were the two men so joyful? They were so joyful because they were helping Christ build his kingdom by repairing the relationship between man and Christ.

This is the most intense sense of Joy that can be felt. To see someone enter into a relationship with Christ brings enough joy for Christians to withstand even the most extreme persecution.

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In Acts Chapter 3 Peter and John heal a cripple in the name of The lord Jesus. The man was surly an outcast for being crippled and looked down upon by most of the community. This is not much different from our society; we thrive on the weakness and shortcomings of others. In the Next chapter Peter and John are jailed for this mysterious healing act.  When asked how the man was healed Peter replied,

8Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: “Rulers and elders of the people! 9If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, 10then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. Act 4:8-10 NIV

The charges that are brought upon peter and john are absurd. The two are being charged of committing a loving miraculous act.  The astounding thing about this is that even while in jail peter and John are Joyful. This is indeed a paradox that is not easy to explain. Peter continues:

14But since they could see the man who had been healed standing there with them, there was nothing they could say. 15So they ordered them to withdraw from the Sanhedrin and then conferred together. 16″What are we going to do with these men?” they asked. “Everybody living in Jerusalem knows they have done an outstanding miracle, and we cannot deny it. Act 4:14-16 NIV

After peter and John took a stand for Christ the Sanhedrin do not know how to react. They realize that no punishment can take place because the two men have done a righteous act. The public had witnessed this amazing act, so the Sanhedrin couldn’t even deny it. When bold actions are made for Christ’s love they will be powerful.

As you see, love is one of the greatest counteractions to the hate and filth of the world system.

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ… Philippians 1:27

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

I think the majority of people do the complete opposite of these verses. Most notably is that people usually consider others better than ones self. However this is usually for the wrong reasons. Many consider others better for the material possessions they have and out of selfish ambition try to match them. The key to the verse is to consider others better than you out of humility.

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Whether you chose to believe it or not, you are a slave. Enslaved by the norms of The World System. I am reminded of the 1996 movie Trainspotting, staring Ewan McGregor. The movie follows the life of Renton, played by Ewan McGregor, a heroin addict who lives his life numbing the pain of reality. The move is of Renton’s quest for understanding of life. In the beginning of the movie he narrates the following:

“Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home…Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life.

But who would I want to do a thing like that?
I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who need reasons when you’ve got heroin? ”

The amazing thing about what this, is Renton has clearly identified that he doesn’t like what the world is all about. In the world system we are told that we must, go to college, go to work, have a car, have a lot of nice stuff, have a mortgage payment; however do we really want that stuff? It boils down to a simple question of are you content with the life pattern the world has for you, or do you want something’s else.<.p>

Renton chose something else. He chose not to let the word decide his life. Renton chose not to choose life, because he didn’t like the idea of life that was presented before him. I don’t think Renton is alone in feeling this way. The vast majority of college student’s have a desire to “Fight The System” and not be silent. This is a beautiful thing. The ability to challenge everything and be not blindly falling into norms is one of the most important skills someone can learn.

Please understand I am in no way advocating the use of heroin. Rather I would like to draw your attention to the sad fact that the way people in the world rebel is through violence, hate, and drugs. However this is doomed to fail. The ending of the movie is as follows.

“I’m cleaning up and I’m moving on, going straight and choosing life. I’m looking forward to it already. I’m going to be just like you: the job, the family, the fucking big television, the washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electrical tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisurewear, luggage, three-piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing the gutters, getting by, looking ahead, to the day you die.”

By the end of the movie our rebellious heroin addict has been reduced to yet another mindless drown of society. Just trying to fit in with the flow of the world system. This is an all too common occurrence. Why does it happen like this? This happens because the world system is able to convince us that it is easier and safer this way.

I for one choose not to let this happen to me. I choose to not let the world system beat me until I conform to what it wants me to be. I do not choose heroin, I do not choose conformity rather I choose to fight back.

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Viva La Revolution

I was sitting and talking to Keith and Justin about how happy I was to be granted independent status again. All of a sudden Greg slams open the door and proceeded to ask, “Keith! How goes the Revolution”? Without hesitation Keith replies, “Great! I have written many more articles for you to read.” I look over at Justin and we both burst into laughter at this unusual greeting.
After the laughter dies down, Greg asked, “What’s so funny”? I replied, “Your acting like there is a real revolution is going on”. Then Keith replied, “It is”. I didn’t really realize it at first but he is right! The revolution is NOW! I realized I cannot submit to the world any longer. I must not sit by and watch the institutions enslave the world any longer.

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It was a little after 5 when they showed up and oddly enough it wasn’t really awkward at all, it was amazing. E-Fay gave off such and amazing joyful vibe, it was really contagious, and I instantly felt like we had know each other for years. So we start talking about stuff and this guy is so cool to talk to. We both have had our fair share of family persecution we started to talk about that.

E-Fay grew up and got his bachelor’s in thermal engineering in china. He became a Christian in between his 3rd and 4th year in college.  To give you a little background on his family his mom is a doctor and his dad is pretty high up in government security. I didn’t know this about china but to have a Christian meeting or church that isn’t state run is “Forbidden.” It was really interesting E-Fay’s English wasn’t that good and he doesn’t know the word illegal, so he would say forbidden. I was thinking about it and the word forbidden is so much of a better word to describe Christianity there, using that word really conveys such a serious tone. As you can tell, E-Fay accepting Christ in a country where his “underground church” is forbidden and having a dad high in the government security would not be good.

Before I go any farther I need to tell you a little about Chinese society and culture. Chinese students have the same 12-grade system we have here in America, but in China peoples lives revolve around it. I mad be wrong on this but from what I could understand the school systems are not state “public” schools, all elementary schools require tuition and are not free. What was really amazing is that E-Fay was saying every kid works as hard as they can so they can get into the best universities.  He was floored when I told him no one really cares that much about school here in America, Most high school student are just after a “Good Time.”

E-Fay was saying that students really don’t do anything in their lives besides school. No one had jobs and no one parties and no one just gets together to hang out. Sometimes a few guys will go out and play basketball for an hour once a week but that is rare. Student’s primary focus in life is doing the best in school, therefore outreaching to people before they are in college is basically not possible. Even in college it’s very rare to be able to reach out to there people. E-Fay said that most college student that are Christian’s had come from or went to America for a little bit and started spreading the word.

Hearing about how hard it is to outreach to students in china really makes me realize how blessed we are in America to have the opportunity to safely outreach to people. Because in china not only are young people consumed with school but it is also forbidden so it is extra hard. You really risk a lot by trying to outreach to people. I never really thought about it but being Christian in America we really take for granted the ability to even outreach to people.

Now it is truly a miracle E-Fay became a Christian. Its even more amazing that the son of a government official accepted Christ. After E-Fay accepted Christ the lord really started to work and chance his life in amazing ways. However to his parents, which were non-Christian, these were not good changes. E-Fay was accepted to Case Western College with a hefty scholarship but ended up turning it down because he wanted to see where the lord led him.  The most amazing thing is that he actually told his parents that!!! Needless to say that did not go ever well. His dad even threaded to tell the government police of the “underground Christian church” he was part of.

On a side note we had been hanging out for about an hour and a half now and E-Fay had eaten about three huge plates of food, and is a small guy. He absolutely loves American food, it was so funny to see. At this time Craig needed to leave but E-Fay was having so much fun talking to me that he decided to just stay and talk with me alone. This is the most amazing thing about brothers in Christ, is that unspoken basic trust.

After this he basically just asked me a bazillion questions about youth culture in America, which I wont bore you with.  However my favorite thing about the meeting was that I’m more affirmed now about what our ministry is doing and how were doing it than ever before. E-Fay was saying that our fellowship is almost identical to the way the Christian church is growing in china. E-Fay kept saying how lucky he is to find Craig and to work with our fellowship.

I can say I look forward to seeing this brother more and learning a  lot from him. I can say that I would really like to take a mission’s trip this summer to china or Taiwan (W/ the Gibson’s) to see how the church in Asia is going.

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The magnitude of persecution that the youth of this fellowships is huge. I was sitting there and asking myself why lord? I have been struggling a lot this why this is all happening. Then I started to thinking from an omniscient point of view.  Basically I stopped thinking for Thomas and for Christ.

In school teachers teach their students…why? To prepare them for the future. Well at least that’s how it should be. In our current society, most teachers teach for the paycheck.

The interesting thing about going to school is the foundation we develop when we are young. When we are young our minds absorb so much information and for the most part we aren’t very willful yet. In many countries children learn multiple languages before they even reach High School, because they are so much easier to learn when your young.

People also say to develop good habits now while your young because its harder when you’re an adult. One reason for this though process is because normally as we get older we become much more will-driven.

Now what I’m really trying to say is that the lord truly has something amazing in store for the youth of this fellowship. Christ is pushing the youth so hard at such a your age, he truly has something amazing planed for us in the future. Jesus want us to realize this now and work towards it.

It possible I could be wrong. People in this fellowship have faced persecution before what is different about this time? The difference is this is fellowship wide and has never cost us our meeting place before.

I’m reminded of the parable of the wheat and the tare. The lord is truly separation the tares from the wheat. This can bee seen in the Riverwood incident, we were ready to handle this persecution however Riverwood was not so the lord gracefully separated us.

I am confident the lord is getting us ready for something big. I for one am really excited to see the lords plan for the youth unfold. I believe we are on the verge of a Christ lead revolution here on earth. And I could not be happier being on the front-line.

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